Late have I loved you, beauty so ancient and so new. Late have I loved you. You were within me, but I was outside, seeking there for you. Upon shapely things of your creation, I rushed headlong. They held me back far from you, those things which would have no being were they not in you. You were with me, but I was not with you.
You called, you shouted, you broke through my deafness. You flared, you blazed, you banished my blindness. You lavished your fragrance; I gasped and now I pant for you. I tasted you and now I hunger and thirst; You touched me, and now I am inflamed, my Lord, with the love of your peace.
So I have been dealing with a constant battle for quite some time now.
I have been flirting with the idea of becoming an elementary school teacher. I am pretty sure that it is God’s will in some way, however, in Photography I have been given a gift. God loves it when we use the gifts He gives us.
but sometimes I find that Photography doesn’t always glorify God in the ways it could. At times, it focuses on the sexual, the suicidal, the depression, all of those emotions that God helps us to get rid of in order to draw closer to Him.
I think if I were to continue with Photography, I would want to do it for Him, and for no one else.
Do you remember the days in which we used to lie on the floor and listen to music together and have the most deep, complex conversations in the world? When our thoughts were connected? Do you remember how close we were? How my tears were your tears, and yours mine? Do you remember laughing until we couldn’t breathe? Do you remember what it was like for us to have the same brain, and the same heart?
“Wait for a man that will put in the time, heart, & effort to pursue you. None of this whole “chasing around boys who don’t really like us and pine when they reject us” business. Wait for God to set you up with one who will put in time to win your heart. How can he do that though if you’re throwing it at him? Be secure enough in yourself and your Father that you don’t need to throw your heart around and give it away to any man who winks his eye at you. Be a woman, secure in God, deadly to the devil, feminine in strength, purity, and tenderness, and give your man a chance to be a man. Let the boys go who blow you off and expect you to let them walk all over you or just plain won’t put in effort to get to know you at all. Let them go, and position yourself as a woman satisfied in Herself & Her life. Give yourself to knowing God, give yourself to loving others, and your man will come alongside you. You will never have to strive to make him like you, to make him talk to you. He will be already a man in pursuit of your heart without your help.”—(via genevieveolivia)
“I don’t want to waste my romantic ‘first’ on a guy who won’t stick around for me. I don’t want to go to the very edge of my standards in a relationship that won’t end up anywhere permanent. I want to honor God in the way I use my body, and I want my mate to be the seal over my heart even before I meet him.”—
I have a lot of things to talk about right now. haha
The most recent of which is that I just cleaned out my wallet and I found a letter that my ex-boyfriend wrote to me before I went off to college. He said some really heartfelt things in there, and once again I am coming to terms with ways in which I used him and was terrible to him. Before that, I didn’t know I had the capacity to be that awful to anyone. It’s amazing, how good or how terrible one person can be to another.
In other news, I just got back from a special event over the weekend which helped me to seriously discern my vocation. I can honestly say that right now I don’t feel particularly called in any which direction, but I guess I do feel pulled one way more than another, if you catch my drift.
School is boring, life is pretty easy, except when everything is due at once. I have one photo class, German 201 in addition to three lecture hall classes (big ones). I miss my family but I try not to let that affect me all too much—- I talk to my mom pretty much every day.
I am still a person that hates drugs. hahaha
I have made some pretty good friends.
and by the Grace of God, I might get an opportunity soon to do something amazing. I am so, so excited.
I really hate that my back is like this now. I feel like I can’t do anything. Whenever I get really happy or excited about something, I tend to jump around, which I can no longer do. My dancing has been limited. I can’t run like I used to. I can’t jump on trampolines.
Art is capable of expressing, and of making visible, man’s need to go beyond what he sees; it reveals his thirst and his search for the infinite. Indeed, it is like a door opened to the infinite, [opened] to a beauty and a truth beyond the every day. And a work of art can open the eyes of the mind and heart, urging us upward.
But there are artistic expressions that are true roads to God, the supreme Beauty — indeed, they are a help [to us] in growing in our relationship with Him in prayer.